Wow, a new Blog

This is a Blog so that I can write what I'm feeling, even when it's not the nice things. Lets get started!

Today has been pretty nice, the first day in a while where it has actually been decent. Even though I still havn't seen Ashleigh, I'm not mad or sad yet.
Yesterday was pretty bad, I came home, was let down, fell alseep, then I was let down again. I hate when she does that. But it wasn't her fualt yesterday, she got 'grounded'.
Tuesday was horrible. I actually let her build me up, and she said she wanted to see me, she even said she wanted to come to my house. I think those were all lies, if she wanted to see me she wouldn't have been such an ass and spent all of her time on her god damned homework.
I cannot beleive she values me over her homework, that is bullshit. It doesn't matter to her that I want to see her, all that matters to her is if she wants to see me. If she wants to see me I drop everything I was doing and I come running. But every time I tell her I want to see her it's all excuses; "I have such and such due in a few days", "I have to clean this", "I want to play Tetris" That pisses me off, even Tetris is above me on her list of things to do. If she would just sit down and do her homework, it /might/ take her all of an hour to do. If she would just set her mind to cleaning her fucking room, she wouldn't have to keep chipping away at it for such little amounts of time, and doing such stupid little things. I can understand your mother wanthing you to do chores around the house, but come on, just fucking do them!
I love this girl so much, and the fact that she would rather do homework than see me upsets me.
I found an old email she sent me after the first time she broke up with me.

I know I don't deserve your forgiveness. And I can't believe that it took this for me to realize how much I love you. I'm miserable withoutyou. I need you. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me.Read this first...
(Random URL)
I'll love you forever,
--------

Then of course she broke up with me again. But she said all of this, and then she treats me like dirt, what the fuck? She broke every promise she ever told me, now she doesn't promise anything. She says she loves me but she sure doesn't act like it. She always says that she'll /try/. What the hell is that? She never tries, if she even ever gave it the slightest try it would happen god damnit.
The bottom line is that she can really make me feel bad sometimes, but when I'm with her... I cannot explaine it, everything bad goes away, when I'm with her everything is perfect. And it's not just when we fool around god damnit, I'm not that bad. When I am holding her nothing can get me down, I just want to spend some time with my girlfriend, is that such a god damned bad thing?

Ranting a lot,
~Sloth